You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
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I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.