We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.