I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?