we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it