He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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