i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms