Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME

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  (212): guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME http://tfl.nu/dcck
  Replies (5) Good night (1286) Bad night (651)
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  (516): View more from New York

  There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.

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  (516): There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office. http://tfl.nu/aczu
  Replies (16) Good night (3705) Bad night (610)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury

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  (248): he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury http://tfl.nu/93f6
  Replies (89) Good night (5545) Bad night (1287)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

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  (267): while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life http://tfl.nu/pj1v
  Replies (16) Good night (7684) Bad night (788)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A simple 'no' would have sufficed

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  (614): The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls. (610): A simple 'no' would have sufficed http://tfl.nu/eyzn
  Replies (14) Good night (1876) Bad night (5552)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.

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  (215): It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis. http://tfl.nu/bygw
  Replies (14) Good night (1306) Bad night (5546)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

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  (862): I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/ecro
  Replies (21) Good night (5902) Bad night (1123)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.

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  (713): He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop. http://tfl.nu/xdpv
  Replies (19) Good night (6084) Bad night (831)
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  (714): View more from California

  The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.

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  (714): The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit. http://tfl.nu/q5dj
  Replies (16) Good night (971) Bad night (2673)
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  (415): View more from California

  I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.

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  (415): I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level. http://tfl.nu/gvuc
  Replies (2) Good night (905) Bad night (460)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.

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  (620): Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams. http://tfl.nu/9m3g
  Replies (7) Good night (1472) Bad night (556)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!

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  (903): Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!! http://tfl.nu/fyj1
  Replies (7) Good night (2008) Bad night (414)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry

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  (262): And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry http://tfl.nu/q1qo
  Replies (9) Good night (1013) Bad night (328)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  So much rum. So many feels.

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  (360): So much rum. So many feels. http://tfl.nu/mt6s
  Replies (0) Good night (585) Bad night (248)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around

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  (717): Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around http://tfl.nu/yfqo
  Replies (13) Good night (729) Bad night (246)

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