I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs