I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later