theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again