I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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