apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize