Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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