Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
