Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
