we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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