the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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