Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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