i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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