i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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