Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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