Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
