Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
