I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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