Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
