You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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