Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
