Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
