I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize