watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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