tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
