On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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