I think I just saw someone hide a body.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
