I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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