It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
