My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
