So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
