Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
