It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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