I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
