It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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