That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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