i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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