Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I supernannyed him into submission
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
