I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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