Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's rum buckets o'clock
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
