If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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