Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
