He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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