How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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