Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
