Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
