end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We need to get me chipped asap
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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