you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
