yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
