I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
