dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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