i was born a porn star she said
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
