so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
apparently the secret to your success is patron
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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