Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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