Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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