So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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