Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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