I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
