I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We left the knife in your bed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
