I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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