literally had 100 drinks last night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
