her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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