im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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