hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
