def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
