How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
