i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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