yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
